Self Love

Valentine's day features heavily in February and is very focused on giving love to others. This blog explores the idea of redirecting some of that love to yourself. As you read through the blog, I recommend spending some time with your thoughts and writing down things that come to mind. By the way, did you know that writing engages the logical, pre-frontal cortex? The part of the brain which provides clarity. 

What is Self Love?

Self love isn't about having a perfect life or always feeling on top of the world. It's about accepting yourself, flaws and all, and knowing that you are worthy of love and kindness, no matter what. It's about treating yourself like your own best friend, with compassion, understanding, and a whole lot of cheerleading.

If I had to choose something in my life that represented self love to me, it would be me my trainers. Whenever I need to show myself some love, I take myself out for a walk, run or bike ride. I wonder what your chosen item might be? 

Self love means embracing your quirks, your dreams, and your unique journey. It's about celebrating your wins, big or small, and learning from the moments that didn't quite go as planned. It's about understanding that you are enough, just as you are, and that your worth isn't determined by anyone else but you.

Take a few moments to consider these questions: What is self love? What does it mean to you? 

Self love means different things to each of us. For some, it's about self acceptance. For others, it can be something more physical like finding the time for a walk.

What Isn't Self Love?

Let's clear something up- self love is not about beating yourself up or playing the comparison game. It's not about seeking validation from others or trying to live up to impossible standards. It's not about pretending everything is perfect when it's not, or ignoring your feelings and pretending you're okay when you're not.

Self love often falls to the bottom of our list of priorities, or at times we may even feel guilty about making the time for it. Things that aren't self love can include neglecting your own needs or not setting boundaries, to things like not getting outside in the fresh air, or filling yourself with junk food. 

So take a few moments to consider: What isn't self love? I suggest writing a list.  

Self love isn't about being selfish or putting yourself above everyone else. It's about recognising your needs and setting healthy boundaries that honour your wellbeing. It's about knowing when to say no and when to ask for help. And most importantly, it's about being gentle with yourself, especially when things get tough.

What Are You Doing That Isn't Self Love?

Let's take a moment to check in with this- how are you really treating yourself? Are you constantly criticising yourself or putting yourself down? Are you ignoring your needs and pushing yourself past your limits? Are you surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, or are you stuck in relationships that drain your energy?

Make sure you take some time to consider the question: What are you doing that isn't self love? Look back on the list you just made of things that aren't self love, and be honest about how many of these things you are currently doing. 

Maybe you're stuck in a cycle of negative thinking, believing that you're not good enough or that you don't deserve happiness. Maybe you're holding onto past mistakes and letting them define who you are today. Whatever it is, know that you have the power to break free from these patterns and rewrite your story. 

How Can You Improve Your Self Love?

Alright, let's get down to business- how can you start showing yourself some love? It's all about taking small steps, one day at a time:

• Practice Self Compassion: Treat yourself like you would treat a dear friend, with kindness, understanding, and a whole lot of love. When you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up, offer yourself some grace and remind yourself that nobody's perfect.

• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to things that don't align with your values or honour your wellbeing. Surround yourself with people who support you and lift you up, and let go of relationships that bring you down.

• Prioritise Self Care: Take time out of your busy schedule to do things that nourish your soul and bring you joy. Whether it's going for a walk in nature, curling up with a good book, or taking a long bath, make self care a non-negotiable part of your routine.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Pay attention to the stories you tell yourself and challenge negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Remember, you are not defined by your past or your mistakes, you are worthy of love and belonging, just as you are.

• Seek Support: Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Whether it's talking to a trusted friend, seeking out a therapist, or joining a support group, know that you don't have to go through this journey alone.

Make sure you create a list and add your ideas. Finally... name one thing that is easily and readily available, and will immediately improve your self love practice, and commit to it from today! 

Hopefully this blog has encouraged you to make a commitment to one readily available action for immediate self love improvement. Small, consistent steps can lead to significant transformations. Today, take that first step and show yourself the love and kindness you deserve. Remember that self love means accepting flaws, acknowledging worthiness, and treating yourself with compassion and encouragement.